It was a Sunday morning when I woke up to this guy trying to blow me. I opened my eyes to remember if he was good looking or not and then just laid there and let him do his thing. I vaguely remember stopping by Sugarland on my way back from the night out in Manhattan and picking him up because it’s boring stumbling home alone and I was kind of horny.
Now let me tell you about myself. I’m gay and usually drunk. I’m from a small redneck town upstate where I obviously didn’t fit in. Ever since moving to Bushwick this past summer I’ve completely taken advantage of the gay life style and all it has to offer. I totally feel like I’ve gotten 20 times more gay since moving to the city.
First of all I should probably talk about Grindr since I’m on it everyday and it contributes to my slutty lifestyle. I started using Grindr in NYC to find friends, dates, hook-ups, and sadly even love. I’ve had some crazy experiences with Grindr, from threesomes to bar fights to drugs to awesome sex. Some experiences I haven’t even told anyone because it was just too ridiculous to be considered real life. Here are some of my stories.
I’m at some boring straight bar in Williamsburg, so I step out to check my Grindr. I see this cute foreign guy online and we start talking a little and exchange a few pics. Anyway he comes over in 30 minutes looking super cute and then he talks with his Russian accent; my heart melted and I got instantly horny. We headed to Sugarland to get some drinks even though I’ve already had plenty to drink but that never stops me. I tell him we should go back to my place in Bushwick but then he wants to go to Manhattan. I’m just thinking shit I’m drunk and just want to hook up already. Whatever. We head to Manhattan and end up at my Mom’s apartment in Midtown. Thankfully, she was away that weekend because we head straight to her bed. It would’ve been pretty awkward if she were there sleeping. He takes off his shirt and, ugh, super nice body. I pull off his underwear and I was disappointed; his penis was pretty small. If he’s really good looking and sexy then I guess penis size doesn’t really matter. In the end, it was a good night.
So I have this problem of pre-gaming a lot before going out so I don’t need to buy a lot of drinks, but then buy a lot of drinks anyway and get hammered. This one night I’m at Metropolitan getting a drink at the bar and there’s this cute guy next to me. We have longer-than-usual eye contact, which always means you want to fuck. I think we spoke a total of five words to each other before leaving and heading back to my place. After making it a few stops on the subway we got to my place and start taking our clothes off. As I fall over trying to pull my skinny jeans off, I think to myself “Am I in any state to have sex with this guy?” I guess my penis decided for me as I’m on top of him and reaching for the lube. It gets pretty aggressive and then my bed frame breaks! It doesn’t stop us; we finish and fall asleep.
Spicy Tuna Roll
I’m out with some of my coworkers at an all-you-can-eat all-you-can-drink sushi restaurant in East Village, which is literally like heaven. We totally take advantage of the deal and all of us are wasted after two hours. We are all stumbling out and I decide to hit up one of my hookups in the area. He invites me over because he just can’t resist my sexual temptation! I get there and it’s only 8 PM, I’m really drunk and he’s totally sober. I really don’t remember what happened but we did have some good sex and then passed out. I wake up thinking to myself how did I even get home, then I realize I’m all the way in Hell’s Kitchen. As I’m walking about I’m like ‘Sorry I came over super drunk smelling like sushi and fucked you only to pass out by 10 PM; I hope you didn’t have plans last night.’
(See what @DrunkGayBoy is up to tonight!)